


Scar Tissue

by N4rciss1st



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mild Smut, Scars, Self-Harm, intimacy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 23:17:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N4rciss1st/pseuds/N4rciss1st
Summary: Lena struggles to be intimate with Kara because of her past.TRIGGER WARNING: descriptions of self-harm, references of past depression/self harm





	Scar Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure if something like this has been written before but considering this is a topic that is very close to home I felt like writing it. Again, TRIGGER WARNING, as I know that sometimes even the thought can be triggering. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine.  
Also, if anyone ever needs to talk and doesn’t have someone in their life that can be there for them. My inbox over at l3n4luth0r.tumblr.com is always open!

Kissing Kara was Lena’s favourite thing in the whole world. She was so gentle and passionate like she was pouring all of her emotions out with her lips and tongue. It was tender and magical and oh, so sexy. They had been officially dating for three months and the extent of their physical relationship went as far as heated make-out sessions anywhere they could find. Beds, couches, walls, desks and kitchen counters to name a few. 

Taking it slow was Lena’s idea. They had discussed it after their third date when the make-out session had moved into heavy petting and Kara’s insistent hands pushing at the hem of Lena’s sweater. Lena had stopped her and told her maybe they should slow down. Kara was chivalrous of course, but Lena could tell there was a spell of disappointment. 

Lena felt a little guilty. She wasn’t a virgin, but she had never been in a relationship and sex had never really meant anything to Lena before. It always just meant a scratch to an itch. Something that was done out of necessity, not love. She loved Kara, this would be different. Her insecurities came thick and fast when she thought about making love with Kara. 

Lena entered her penthouse with a sigh, she was meaning to meet Kara for dinner but unexpected issues with a contact in China arose and she had a last-minute conference call that took hours longer than anticipated and Kara told her it was fine and that they would postpone their date until tomorrow. 

She dropped her handbag by the door and trudged heavily into the kitchen, pulling the top button of her blouse loose and untucking it from her skirt. It was almost a 15 hour day and she was exhausted. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she knew it would be Kara. 

“Hey, babe.” 

“Hey, I was just checking that you got home alright.” Lena heard the crackle of wind through the phone and some faint sirens and car horns in the distance. 

“I’m home...are you on patrol?” Lena asked as she made her way down the hall to her bedroom. 

“I am just finishing up. How are you?” Lena flopped unceremoniously onto her bed, her legs dangling off the end and her free arm out wide to her side. 

“Sore and mentally drained. Today sucked.” Lena could almost feel Kara’s pout of concern for her girlfriend. 

“If you want, I could still come over and maybe...” Kara stopped, and Lena waited.

“Maybe...what?” She finally asked after a moment of silence. 

“Maybe I could...give you a massage.” Lena was shocked. The thought was nice and it really sounded like something she needed but her insecurities about her body made it impossible for her to let Kara do something like that for her. 

“That’s a really nice thought, Kara but maybe you could just come over and we can watch a movie and cuddle?” The silence that met Lena on the other end was all she needed to know that Kara was deep in thought and there was that disappointment again. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, baby. I’ll be there soon.” Lena felt terribly guilty as she hung up. Kara must think her such a tease or even worse, she hoped that Kara didn’t think that Lena didn’t desire her because God, did she ever. She knew it was a conversation waiting to happen and she figured it wouldn’t wait much longer. 

Lena got up and changed into her sleep shorts and the NCU sweater that she had claimed from Kara. It was her most favourite thing to wear, it was so comfortable and it smelled just like Kara. She waited for that telltale flap of Supergirl’s cape and the touchdown of heavy boots on her balcony. 

It came eventually and Kara scooped Lena into her arms in a tight hug and a soft kiss to her lips. Lena waited while Kara changed into something more comfortable, the notion of Kara staying the night already very obvious. 

Lena ordered pizza and she was flicking through the Netflix library when Kara flopped down next to her, her arm reaching over her shoulders and shuffling her into the crook of her arm. Lena smiled and Kara kissed the top of her head. 

“You wanna tell me about your day?” Lena asked. Kara shrugged. 

“Not much to tell really. I had a few interviews for my article, lunch with Alex at the DEO, we got a pretty good lead on an alien slave trafficking cartel, I ate two tubs of ice cream and then when on my nightly patrol. Pretty average day.” Lena laughed. 

“Pretty average.” Kara nodded, not realising how very not average that all sounded. Lena kissed Kara’s jaw and Kara leaned down to capture her lips. The kiss started soft and exploratory but soon became passionate and heated as they always did. Kara’s hands were grabby and hot, all Lena wanted to do was give in but something in the back of her mind just screamed at her to stop. She could feel Kara tense up when Lena grabbed her wrist as it began to wander under Lena’s sweater. 

“Lena, do you...I just...” Kara sighed and sat up. Rubbing the back of her neck nervously. “Do you not want me?” The hurt in Kara’s eyes broke Lena’s heart. She felt terrible and Kara deserved to have everything she wanted but Lena’s mind and self doubt always felt overpowering. 

“Of course I do, baby.” Lena took Kara’s face in her hands, her eyes pleading with Kara’s to understand. She knew it was impossible. She had to tell Kara, she had to explain to her why she was so hesitant. “There’s...I need to tell you something. You probably won’t want me after I do, anyway.” Lena’s cheeks tinged with pink and Kara shifted, settling herself to face Lena on the couch. 

“That’s not possible. I love you, Lena. I will always want you,” Kara took Lena’s hand. She could tell that the brunette was conflicted, something was weighing her down and she needed to know it was okay. “You can tell me anything, Lena. I will never judge you, you need to know that.” Kara’s eyes bore into Lena’s and Lena took a deep, shaky breath. 

“When I was fourteen and Lex was in college, I spent a lot of time alone. Mother was always travelling and she would leave me with the cook and the maid, who in their defence, tried really hard to connect with me but I was just so shut off that I didn’t even care.” Lena pulled at the sleeves of her sweater, not looking at Kara. 

“I was alone, I had no friends, my adoptive mother never cared enough to check-in, Lex never called and Lionel was away on business before he got sick and I was just so...alone.” Kara watched Lena’s throat bob with emotion. She didn’t say anything she just ran her thumb over the back of Lena’s hand in encouragement. 

“And then Lionel got sick, everyone was home for a while after he died and although I was sad, I felt better because my family was together. I felt guilty...Lillian became even more controlling after that, Lex graduated early and took over Luthor Corp and he began his tirade, unbeknownst to me. I was naive and believed everything Lillian told me about his research. A cure for cancer,” Lena scoffed. 

“Lillian was home all the time, but somehow I felt more lonely. She made constant remarks about my body, about how I wasn’t truly a Luthor, that I would never live up to Lionel's expectations of a Luthor child. I would never be as good, I was never worthy.” Kara had no idea, tears welled in her eyes as she listened and Lena continues.

“I didn’t realise the downward spiral I had gotten myself into. I remember the first really bad night I had...I couldn’t sleep and I had all these thoughts, Lillian and Lex’s voices in my head telling me how it was my fault that Lionel had died, that I put so much stress on him that it had caused him to get sick. I didn’t belong there, I wasn’t one of them. I didn’t have a family.” Lena's voice was low and laden with sadness and hard memories. 

“I went into my bathroom to splash my face, to try and calm down and I accidentally hit my razor, it fell and it shattered...leaving broken plastic and metal blades scattered across the tiles. I tried my best to clean it up and when I picked up one of the blades...something in my brain just short-circuited and I hiked up my shorts and ran the blade right across my thigh.” Lena’s voice broke then. The heaviness of what she was telling Kara finally breaking through. She didn’t dare look at Kara. She couldn’t. 

“It became a habit after that. Most days I could refrain but I stole a hobby knife from the art supply cupboard in the school art classroom and kept it in my bag. Sometimes at lunch, I would go and sit in the bathroom, hike up my skirt and use it on my thighs. Sometimes I would cut on my belly, or really high up on my shoulders. Wherever that was convenient at the time.” Hot, embarrassing tears leaked down Lena’s face. Kara let her own fall too, squeezing Lena’s hand urging her to look at her but she never did. 

“It was something I could keep for myself, a little taboo secret that I could keep from Lillian. It made me feel. I was so numb, Kara. I was so lifeless and it made me feel something...it reminded me that I was real, that life was still happening. I know it probably doesn’t make sense and I wish I could explain it. I’m so ashamed of my scars, Kara. I didn’t want you to see them.” Lena finally looked up at Kara, she saw that Kara was crying also and then she scrambled into Kara’s arms. She felt like a scared child. “I’m so sorry, Kara. I do want you. I do. I just don’t want you to see them and then everything you thought about me is wrong. I’m broken, I’m not the person you thought I was.”

“No, baby. No, Lena. You’re not broken. You’re beautiful and strong. You did what you had to do to cope, Lena.” Kara was stroking Lena’s hair, holding her tight around her waist. “I can’t imagine what it was like to grow up in such hostility. You were so strong. You are so strong.” Lena pulled away from Kara’s neck, looking into her tear-stained eyes. Kara picked Lena up after turning the muted TV off and carried her down into the bedroom. Kara couldn’t believe what she had just heard, her heart was broken for Lena. She knew that her childhood had been far from perfect but she hadn’t realised just how much isolation she had bared, how horrible her so-called family had treated her. She figured that Lena had left a lot out. She would leave that to Lena to share if she wanted to. 

Kara laid with Lena on the bed, Lena had latched on to her like a baby koala and she was still softly crying into Kara’s shoulder and neck. Kara rubbed at her back and pressed soft kisses into her hair. Shushing her sobs and trying her best to comfort her. 

“I’m sorry.” She heard Lena’s gentle voice say. Kara shook her head.

“What for? You have nothing to apologise for baby.” Lena pulled back and untangled herself from Kara a little. 

“For making you think I didn’t want you. For unloading my baggage.” Lena shrugged and wiped at her face with her sleeve. Kara shook her head and placed a kiss on Lena’s lips. 

“You can always tell me anything, any time, any place. I want to know all of your baggage baby, it comes with the territory. I love you so much, Lena.” Lena nodded and wiped away the last couple of tears that escaped. She felt so much lighter now, having Kara finally know felt so much better. “Will you...I mean, can I see?” Lena took a deep breath and nodded. She shifted fully out of Kara’s arms and began to untie the drawstrings of her shorts with shaky hands. “Hey. Why don’t you let me?” 

Kara stilled her hands and then scooted closer to Lena, taking her in her arms again. Kissing her like she always does, so full of love and passion. Kara never made Lena feel lonely if anything she felt so cared for and needed that she had ever felt in her life. She felt like a priority. Kara’s hand was slow as it ran up and down Lena’s side, Kara’s feet tangled with Lena’s at the end of the bed. It felt like hours that they laid there and kissed, it felt like every other make out session except this time Kara was aware of what she might see once things progressed, finally. 

Lena fisted her hand into Kara’s shirt as Kara’s fingers felt their way under the hem of Lena’s sweater, the soft pads of Kara’s fingers trailing along Lena’s hip bone on to the dip under her ribs. This was as much skin as Kara had ever had the privilege of exploring before and she felt so grateful. Before Lena knew it, her sweater was on the floor by the bed and her bare breasts were peaked by the cool air of the room. Kara’s eyes didn’t leave Lena’s as Kara trailed her hand down the front of her. Her palm ghosting over the pebbled nipple and down over the softness of Lena’s belly. 

Lena sucked in a shocked breath when Kara’s fingers stopped and danced over the small raised lines on her belly, just above the waistband over her shorts. 

“It’s okay baby, I’ve got you,” Kara whispered. She kissed Lena’s neck, down her shoulder. Letting her lips linger at the little, barely-there white scars at the curve of Lena’s shoulder, eliciting a shudder from the brunette. A few more downward kisses had her at Lena’s nipple. Her tongue darting out and tracing the peak before enveloping the whole nipple with her mouth. Lena moaned. “Is this okay?” Kara asked. 

“Y-yes,” Lena replied, Kara, noticed her fingers gripped into the sheets. Kara stayed at Lena’s breasts for a long time, alternating between nipples, giving them each her undivided attention for as long as she saw fit. She sucked, nibbled and laved her tongue against her left and her hand-kneaded and cupped the other breast. Lena’s little whimpers and moans made Kara aware that she liked it. “Kara...” 

Kara’s decided to resume her decent, she shifted so that she was between Lena’s legs. Lena parted her knees to fit her in and Kara continued to kiss and lick her way down Lena’s body. She stopped just under her belly button when she could finally see Lena’s scars, she heard her breath hitch. Kara reached up and took one of Lena’s hands in hers, interlocking their fingers, grounding Lena. 

“You’re so beautiful, Lena,” Kara whispered, earning a squeeze at her hand. If Kara counted correctly there were about seven prominent scars that sat under Lena’s belly button and just over her waistband. There were a few smaller, less noticeable ones scattered around. Kara made a point to kiss each and every one of them, earning small appreciative noises from Lena with each one. 

As Kara kissed all over Lena’s belly, she gently tucked her fingers into the sides of Lena’s shorts tugging them lightly. When Lena’s hands fell to her frantically, Kara stopped. 

“I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?”

“No. No. I just need a second.” Lena swallowed thickly, closing her eyes for a moment. “It’s just...the ones on my thighs, they’re a lot more angry, more ugly than the ones on my belly. Just be prepared.” Lena let go of Kara’s hands and Kara nodded, placing one last kiss before pulling the shorts down, Lena shifted and helped Kara pull them off completely. Leaving Lena bare before her except her black cotton underwear. Kara could smell the faint scent of arousal but tried to ignore it for now. When her eyes dropped to the top of Lena’s thighs, her heart almost stopped. Lena was right in her description. Angry. These scars were raised, purple and there were a lot of them. Too many to kiss individually.

Some were long, wide and welted. Others were short, raised and looked deep. The colour of them meant that they were very old, some were white and thin. They covered both of her thighs from where her thigh met hip to about mid-thigh. It was confronting but Kara made sure that she didn’t look as affected by it as possible, not wanting to spook Lena. It wasn’t that they were ugly, or off-putting. It was just that Kara felt a profound sadness, that Lena ever went through what she had. Kara wished that she knew Lena back then, she wished she could have taken her away. 

Kara placed two slow open-mouthed kisses on each thigh and hooked her fingers into the elastic of Lena’s underwear. They joined her shorts and sweater on the floor. Kara stroked her fingers along Lena’s thighs and looked up, seeing Lena’s eyes granting permission. 

She lifted Lena’s right leg over her shoulder, the other was bent and flat against the mattress. Kara places tiny kisses along the seam of Lena’s inner thigh and her sex. 

“Is this okay?” Kara whispered, only getting a distracted nod in return. She continued her kisses over her inner thighs, her mound and along her outer lips. Kara tentatively flicked her tongue along each place she had kissed. Lena’s small moans sent her all of Kara’s blood between her legs. 

“Please...” Lena whimpered. 

“I’ve got you, baby.” When Kara finally flicked her tongue against Lena’s clit, the sound that Lena made was probably the most beautiful thing Kara had ever heard. Kara pressed her tongue harder, making tiny circles around Lena’s clit causing Lena to slightly buck her hips. Kara wrapped her lips around the hard bud and began to suck simultaneously rubbing the bulk of her tongue against it. It had been so long for Lena that just this was enough to have her coming in less than a minute. 

“Kara! Kara...I’m- oh god!” Lena’s hands fisted in Kara's hair, her nails lightly digging into Kara’s scalp, holding her head in place as she rode out her orgasm. Kara smiled against Lena, kissing her skin as she slowly moved back up her body to join her at the pillows. “Sorry...” 

“What for exactly?” 

“I wasn’t expecting to be so quick.” Lena blushed and hid her face in Kara’s neck. Kara kissed the top of her head, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. 

“Don’t be sorry, baby. It was beautiful.” Kara whispered and rubbed Lena’s back. Kara tilted Lena’s chin up so that she could look into her eyes. “I just want you to know, Lena, that you’re never going to be alone ever again. I’m always going to be here.” Lena smiled and stroked her fingers alone Kara’s cheek. 

“I haven’t felt alone since the day I met you.”


End file.
